If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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