Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
