She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
