dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
