I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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