So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
