i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
