I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
