I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
