First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
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All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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