I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
