Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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