I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize