So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
