East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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