saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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