Old men and throwing up are my life now.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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