I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
