anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
