That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
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I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
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How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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