so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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