it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
