My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
