I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
