I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
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I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
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Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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