i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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