My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i wish my penis had a tongue
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
