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• (876): View more from Jamaica

  you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now

  (310): View more from California

  Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...

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• (509): View more from Washington

  why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?

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• (863): View more from Florida

  I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (661): View more from California

  this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?

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• (660): View more from Missouri

  I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.

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• (845): View more from New York

  Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (209): View more from California

  Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.

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