maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
