what day is it and did you see me today?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS