I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!