Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
