but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
