you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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