good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize