I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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