May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
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I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
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You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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