Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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