I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
