I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
