Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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