stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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