How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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