You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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