I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He called his prostate his "boner button".
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
