...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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