OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's rum buckets o'clock
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
