your room smells of hookers.
And success
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
