Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
