Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
