Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
