Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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