I'm really into asian looking animals
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
