if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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