So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
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How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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