If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
