I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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