I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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