Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
