Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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