Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
