38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
