Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
