sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
