covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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