ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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