She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize