who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
