I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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